I think I will find a way. Or make one. I’m just doubting myself and worrying about the future before its even arrived. I’ve got time to think. Oh universe, please give me guidance.
To be independent, to make my family and friends proud, to see the most I possibly can with these dull brown eyes before they give up entirely.
is it weird to be back in the south?
and can they even tell that the city girl was ever there? or anywhere?
i’m having trouble inside my skin, i’ll try to keep my skeletons in.
i’ll be a friend and a fuck-up and everything.
but i’ll never be anything you ever want me to be.
Time to pretend.
The ability to pretend.
Breakthrough today: I enjoy the training and my time at school but its impossible for my happiness to stay when I simultaneously feel guilty. My mind is splitting open right now. Too many emotions. Naps, tea, book will help to hold off the sadness for the time being.